Heavenly Politics

I was enjoying the bliss of Nirvana or should I say Moksha or some other synonym mortals have applied to the experience when I was summoned by a fellow blissful fellow (the intricacies of language of these mortals is so funny).

Who am I, you ask?

Name’s God.

Just God. (I couldn’t help that! ‘Just’ is interpreted in many ways. ‘Simply’ as many of you might have done, or ‘impartial’ as I did. Another example of the aforementioned intricacies). Those who interpreted the latter know me better. Who else would call you mortal? It’s a rhetorical question and so please keep the answer that popped into your minds to yourselves.

*

Let me introduce you to FBF, short for fellow blissful fellow (Even God needs to be in sync with generation alpha who beckons me with OMG!). FBF was once a hardened criminal who found me during his stint in prison. He was later released on good conduct and became a saint. He formed a cult and a multi billion dollar empire. Recently he passed on and entered one of my realms as a celestial being, although he is yet to overcome his short fuse.

So let me do the talking while you are the spectator. Cool, yeah? (God! I should tone down my interactions with alpha. See what I mean? I am addressing myself in the third person).

“Greetings bro!”

I was treated to cold silence. Ooh, someone’s fuming inside. (See the contradictions in the language. Silence is cold while he is fuming. Or is it the cold fumes that rise from ice? Only God knows. Oh, sorry. I am He and I do know but if I tell you, then you lose the thrill of finding it out yourself. So ponder over it and if you get the answer, notify me through prayer or send a message to the one who wrote this piece and he will pass it on and I will let you know if you got it right through the same medium).

“Silence is golden. So let’s enjoy it together, shall we?” I said.

“No!”

“And he speaketh.”

“Cut the archaic language. Why can’t you speak the normal tongue?” asked FBF.

“Pray tell the reason for your visit?”

“You know the reason.”

“Yes, I do. I am God. Yet, two idiots are eavesdropping. So let’s entertain them.”

“Ah, right. The one that noted it down and the other that is going through it as we speak. The latter will  rate and review it to encourage the former,” said FBF and sighed, ‘the transient vanities of the world’.

“Oh, don’t judge them because you are here to plead in favour of one such vanity. I know, I’m God,” I winked.

“Stop that, will you?”

“Stop what?”

“The constant ‘I know for I am God’.

“I did as per your request.”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“You asked me to use the normal tongue. This is how people speak nowadays,” I replied.

“No they do not.”

“Yes, they do. ‘I know, I am the mother’, ‘I know I am the father’, ‘I know, I am the older one’, ‘I know, I am the boss’. The catchphrase applies to all those who are superior and passed on across generations. Like the vanity you are here to defend.”

“Yeah, but mine has a valid reason.”

“Or so you think. I know. I am God.”

“Cut it out, will you?” retorted FBF, “You are planning to change the status quo that has been in place for centuries, and that those who triumph through them are deemed worthy. It’s a fair process.”

“Come on. Don’t be shy. Out with the name of the process,” I said.

“Religion and its whole shebang.”

“Bingo! Now explain the change I am about to usher in.”

“You are going to enhance minds and hence the thought process, so that the journey to enlightenment is cut short.”

“And it is bad because…” I continued.

“It makes people realise that happiness is not materialistic.”

“Come, come. Finish your arguments.”

“Once your update is in place, people will stop going to religious centres. They will stop paying for a glimpse of the deity. Rituals, festivals and so on will slowly wither and die. We will be bankrupt.”

“Stop beating around the bush and come to the point.”

“They will stop fearing us!” bellowed FBF.

“There you are. I was waiting for that. You mentioned the status quo. People never feared you. They loved you. They wrote songs in reverence because it was Your grace that provided them with rain, rivers, flora and fauna. Over time for selfish reasons, people made those songs exclusive. Selfishness is the humour that Time plays to create the illusion of change.”

“I am not talking about a particular religion.”

“I know. I am God.”

“Oh, this is intolerable!”

“Tolerance was never the message. My message is acceptance and love. One of my messengers asked people to love each other as they love themselves and the other asked people to love their mate, and when they do, they are loving themselves because the spirit of God is the same in all.’’

“I’m fed up with your sermons. I am here to ask whether you are ready to let go of your notion to enlighten the masses or not?”

“Or else?” 

“We will introduce a motion of no confidence.”

“Wonderful. And who am I being replaced with?”

“Me,” replied FBF with a smile.

“I know, I am God.”

The smile vanished.

“Let me ask you something. You know that you and I are the same, do you not?”

“Of course.”

“So technically you are going to replace me with you, who is me.”

“Oh no you don’t! I am not going to fall for the trap that you pulled with Nityananda and Chris Tucker. Just say yes or no.”

“No and before you proceed with the motion, I declare an emergency or martial law or any other synonym of the mortal vernacular.”

FBF stood stunned.

“I knew this because…” said I.

“You are God,” whispered FBF.